Taobao is a magical, mysterious, utterly unknowable place. It’s a place where beautiful (and affordable) furniture exists! A place you can purchase clothes and bags and toys to your heart’s content — and then some. But it’s also a place that posits questions. Who needs this? Who would want this? Who is buying this?
Here’s something I believe I already knew, but was just made undeniably clear with this month’s roster of Taobao Finds. If you can dream it, someone’s selling it on Taobao. And, beyond that, if you can dream it, someone is selling it in five different colour combinations, with customisable bits and bobs, on Taobao. And, even beyond that, if you, somehow, find yourself encountering a small, barely-counts-as-a-problem quandary that, in all honesty, doesn’t really register as a thing you need to address? Well, someone on Taobao has made a teeny-tiny portable sunflower seed de-sheller, so anything is possible.
If you’re not a seed person, this month’s TB picks also dabble in plushies and other fun, ridiculous birthday gifts. And if you’re still unsure? There’s also fashion (arguable) and household necessities (also arguable) you might just now discover you need. Or not! The world is your goddamn oyster on Taobao. Go buy some ridiculously cheap furniture.
BRB, Adding These 6 Taobao Finds To Cart:
Eat your greens! But don’t eat these greens — they’re fuzzy, adorable and decidedly inedible. Hang your house-keys on a jovial broccoli stalk or little Brussels sprouts wearing wan smiles or, even, cheery mushrooms, just happy to be here.
Hello, Marketing 101. You don’t need a brand new idea every single time. Sometimes, you just need a different way in; a smarter way in. A localised way in. This Taobao seller manages to reframe pipe cleaners as a nifty tool for swiffering out a lotus root’s mud and gunk. Genius.
There’s the zipper, then there are the loops and the buttons, then there’s that little invisible magnet that pops close with a very satisfying snap. And then, there’s, uh, the power-plug-and-socket closure, five-minute-crafts-style.
You just never know when you’re going to need to chew through a million sunflower seeds. A sunflower convention. A hamster-cosplay competition. Your family’s annual Chinese New Year get-together. Wherever you are, protect those pearly whites from excessive chomping with this portable de-sheller. Small enough to fit into a Beijialibags tote bag.
Category: fun birthday gifts. If you’ve ever wondered about the current events happening on your date of birth, here’s a deep-dive, archival collection of newspapers you can purchase as a cool history lesson on your most important day of the year. Fingers crossed the front page isn’t filled with sad, devastating, could-have-been-avoided, war-crime catastrophes.
Now that we’re extremely acquainted with the face mask, we’re well-equipped to meet its younger, cooler sibling: the nose mask. It protects from nothing, and will serve no purpose beyond making it a little harder to smell; a little harder to breathe. And a little harder to take seriously.